Parting of love in the twilight of life

 

Saturday,November 25 2006, must have been the most dreadful day for the 87year old gentleman whom we used to call Uncle George since we were kids. That evening I got a call from him and over the phone between sobs he said “Doctor, Aunty Grace is dead. I’m scared, don’t know what to do. I’m all alone now ….”  

He was not able to continue futrher.All I could do was to console him over the phone and headed to visit him as soon as I could. 

When I arrived at his place he came forward, hugged and cried. That was the first time I have ever seen tears in his eyes. As I had said earlier, God’s greatest gift to him was his perpetual cheerfulness. Even between sobs I could see him trying to laugh. 

He kept on repeating that he is all alone and there is no one to keep him company. After the funeral was over, he insisted to stay in his house all alone so that he could continue to live with all the fond memories of his wife of sixty long years. In fact he had made arrangements to celebrate his  60^th wedding anniversary on 28 December 2006 but the Lord had other plans for him instead. I still remember what he told me at our   meeting a year ago,“This year I am 86 and my wife is 82.If we can live till 28.12.06 we will be married for 60 years and we can live to celebrate our diamond jubilee. Yes, you know doctor true love begins when we grow old; I think I love my wife more than I first met her. But soon we will have to part”.Yes, now the time he dreaded most had come. The dearest love and the better half of his for sixty years had parted and he is all alone in this world.This is how he described his nightmare in the days following the loss of his wife: “The thoughts of her haunt me all the time.I have no appetite and  have sleepless nights since she left me. I start crying all the time.” He kept writing to me week after week narrating how he was finding it hard to forget her which I think he has no reason to do so. He prayed and prayed every night that God will unite him soon with his wife. 

“ I pray the good Lord will take me soon as I feel lost now living alone,” he wrote in one of his letters. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He even went to the extent in saying how he wished he could embalm the body of his wife and place it in a glass coffin so that he can keep seeing her all the time. I was really touched by depth of his love for his wife.

 

The greatest fear of man is his loneliness, more so when it comes at the twilight of his life when he is drained out of all his physical strength. Uncle George keeps on harping on this fear factor that is taking a great toll on his health at the twilight of his life. He was so grateful and appreciative of those who visit aor even telephone him.  

He said “Thank you for your telephone calls, it really cheers me up to hear  you and your dear lady’s voice when I feel so lonely and sad.”  

Uncle George is just one fine example. There are hundreds, probably thousands of such lonely people around us – in our neighborhood, in our place of work and even in our own families. Many of us may be too busy with our work that we do not recognize them although they are in our midst yearning for our company.

 

In a world where marriage is not sacred anymore and couples resort to divorce for the slightest problem, sometimes very trivial, the love of Uncle George for his wife of sixty years should touch us in many ways. We should be resolved to emulate him in our lives as well. It further strengthens my firm belief that our spouse is God’s specially selected gift to us and we must treasure them till deaths do us apart.I hope many, especially married couples, would visit Uncle George not just to console him but to learn from his experiences of sixty years of happily married life. We ask  God to bless Uncle George with many more years of healthy life so that he can continue to be a shining example for us all. Dr.Chris Anthony                                                                                                                                        

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Love begins when we grow old9/20/2006 – 6:00 AM PSTBy Dr. Chris Anthony
Butterworth,
Malaysia
Op/Ed
Catholic Online On a recent trip back home, I happened to meet an elderly gentleman, whom we fondly call, Uncle George I have not met him for many years. I used to know him since I was a schoolboy. As school children we used to accompany him to visit the sick in hospital and also visit the St.Vincent de Paul society adoptee in their homes. In fact it was these hospital visits with him that in a way inspired me to take up medicine as a career. His greatest gift was his perpetual cheerfulness. As a matter of fact we have never seen him angry or sad. Because of this gift of his he was well liked by all, especially the children. Even now amidst all his problems he still is cheerful as ever. He now lives alone with his wife, both in their eighties, and spends all his time taking care of her, who is now handicapped due to an accident. He still cycles out to town, few miles away, several times a day to get food for himself and his wife. I greeted him and invited him to join my wife and me for breakfast. His meal cost me just a few dollars. He told us about his family and his wife who happened to be rather sickly of late. We wished him well and left. A week later I was surprised to receive a letter from him praising me and my wife with such fantastic words, praises that we don’t really deserve. The following paragraph in his letter really touched me and my wife. I quote, “This year I am 86 and my wife is 82.If we can live till 28.12.06 we will be married for 60 years and we can live to celebrate our diamond jubilee. Yes, you know doctor true love begins when we grow old; I think I love my wife more than I first met her. But soon we will have to part”. A mere two dollars, few encouraging words and the willingness to listen was all that was needed to touch a life in the form of Uncle George. In return his invaluable experience of “TRUE LOVE” managed to touch us deeply. His experience in life is a reminder to us that love, contrary to what we think, never fades, it only grows with time. This reinforces by fervent belief that there are still lot of good things in life that cannot be obtained with money and power and that, is the greatest gift of God to us. I was very touched by the love and care the elderly gentleman had for his sickly wife of 60 years that I wrote to our local Catholic Weekly, Herald and the editor decided to publish my story. This brought many old friends and relatives to visit Uncle George and his wife. Uncle George kept on writing letter after letter praising and thanking us for the “great” things we had done for them. We revisited elderly couple a few weeks later and were surprised at what we witnessed. Uncle George and auntie Grace were overjoyed to have visitors who came after seeing the above story in the Herald. They were particularly grateful to Herald for publishing those letters. There were also numerous phone calls from long lost friends and relatives. I could virtually see the glow of happiness in their faces. These were the things that he really longed for. I hope more will continue to visit uncle and his wife. Their request to us all is simple. This is what he said: “It is not money, gifts or food that we need. All we ask for is the love of fellow humans to spare some time for elderly people like us who are so lonely”. In my conversation with them I realized they had a great fear of loneliness. They have everything they need – house, food, and clothing –but all they long for is the company of people, children, grandchildren and friends. This experience led us to look out for many others who are also in similar situations. I understand that the fear of loneliness is not peculiar to this couple. Many other elderly couples also share similar sentiments.. The strange thing is that this fear was also there when we were children, but our parents were there to console and reassure us. But when our parents are in the twilight of their lives, we as children are not there to comfort them and allay their fears. We are too busy and preoccupied with our jobs and families. There are hundreds, may be thousands, of uncles George scattered all over in our parishes, living in loneliness and fear of imminent death not of themselves but of their spouse. They are desperately yearning for our love. All we need is to spare some time for them. As Christians are we on the look out for such people who yearn for our love and affection? Some of us may be too busy with our work that we do not recognize them although they are in our midst. All we do is recite a few decades of the rosary or offer a short prayer, but is that enough? Christ I’m would expect more from us than that. Our priests and religious must take the lead. They must lead us, the laity, to search and reach out to the hundreds of such people in our parish. These days the priests are increasingly seen as mere administrators of church rituals which by them serve no purpose without any substance. As people of God let’s rally behind our pastors in search of those in need and extend the love that Christ has bestowed upon. Very often we are quick to anoint the sick and dying when in coma and subsequently give them a grand funeral, rather than being supportive and be with him when he was alive earlier. Let’s be more willing to share our love with the living rather than the dead. In a world where marriage is not sacred anymore and couples resort to divorce for the slightest problem, the love of Uncle George for his ailing wife of 60 years touched me in many ways. I am resolved to emulate him in my life as well. It further strengthens my firm belief that our spouse is Christ’s selected gift to us and we must treasure them till deaths do us apart. All couples intending to get married, those having marital problems and want to rejuvenate the fading love in marriage should make a visit to Uncle George and his wife and I’m sure they will be able to touch you as well.    

 

 

16 April 2006Love begins when we grow old   
The Penang Diocese Lenten theme for this year is Touch a life. I was contemplating how I was going to touch a life when I received an inspiring letter from an elderly gentleman, whom we used to fondly call Uncle George since we were kids. As a young man, in the sixties, he was an active member of Parish of St Joseph, Batu Gajah, Perak.His greatest gift was his perpetual cheerfulness. As a matter of fact we have never seen him angry or sad. Because of this gift of his he was well liked by all, especially the children.As school children we used to accompany him to visit the sick in hospital and also visit the SVDP adoptees in their homes. In fact it was these hospital visits with him that in a way inspired me to take up medicine as a career.  
He now lives alone with his wife, both in their eighties, and spends all his time taking care of her, as she is now handicapped due to an accident. He still cycles out to town several times a day to get food for himself and his wife. On a recent trip back home I happened to meet Uncle George after many years and all I did was to buy him a simple breakfast costing just RM2.20, and chatted with him. A week later I was surprised to receive a letter from him praising me and my wife with such fantastic words and praises that we don’t really deserve. The following paragraph in his letter really touched me and my wife. I quote: “This year I am 86 and my wife is 82. If we can live till 28.12.06 we will have been married for 60 years and we can live to celebrate our diamond jubilee. Yes, you know, doctor, true love begins when we grow old; I think I love my wife more now than when I first met her. But soon we will have to part”. A mere two ringgit, few encouraging words and the willingness to listen was all that was needed to touch a life in the form of Uncle George. In return his invaluable experience of “TRUE LOVE” managed to touch us deeply.
This reinforces my fervent belief that there are still a lot of good things in life that cannot be obtained with money and power and love, is the greatest gift of God to us. All couples intending to get married, those having marital problems and want to rejuvenate the fading love in marriage should make a visit to Uncle George and his wife and I’m sure they will be able to touch you as well.    

 

 

 

 

 

Let’s go out to look for more Uncles George 

This is the follow up of my letter on Uncle George “Love grows when we grow old” (Herald April 16).    Indeed I am glad for the wonderful contribution on Uncle George by Peter Wong, “Uncle George is the best!” (Herald May 7). 

Uncle George and auntie Grace were overjoyed to have visitors who came after seeing the above letters in the Herald. They were particularly grateful to Herald for publishing those letters. There were also numerous phone calls from long lost friends and relatives. I could virtually see the glow of happiness in their faces. These were the things that he really longed for. 

I hope more will continue to visit uncle and his wife. Their request to us all is simple. This is what he says:     “It is not money, gifts or food that we need. All we ask for is the love of fellow humans to spare some time for elderly people like us who are so lonely”. 

There are hundreds, may be thousands, of uncles George scattered all over in our parishes, living in loneliness and fear of imminent death not of themselves but of their spouse. They are desperately yearning for our love. All we need is to spare some time for them. As Christians are we on the look out for such people who yearn for our love and affection? Some of us may be too busy with our work that we do not recognize them although they are in our midst. 

Our priests must take the lead. They must lead us, the laity, to search and reach out to the hundreds of such people in our parish. These days the priests are increasingly seen as mere administrators of church rituals which by them serve no purpose without any substance. As people of God let’s rally behind our pastors in search of those in need and extend the love that Christ has bestowed upon. 

Very often we are quick to anoint the sick and dying when in coma and subsequently give them a grand funeral, rather than being supportive and be with him when he was alive earlier. Let’s be more willing to share our love with the living rather than the dead.  

 

   

Review text book loan scheme

Come the month of January each year, parents are burdened with the expenses to provide education for their children. The amount needed keeps increasing every year. These include the money required for school uniform, shoes, transport, books, tuition fees and food. The amount needed may come up to hundreds of ringgit, which becomes beyond the means of an average wage earner. 

The government did the right thing in coming up with the text book loan scheme in all schools to ease the financial burden of the people. It was with the sole noble intention of providing the all important education that is vital for its citizens.

 

According to this scheme parents with an income of RM1000 and more are not eligible for free text books for their children. At the present cost of living this limit I feel is grossly unjust, as RM 1,000 is such negligible amount for even a family of four these days. There are so many parents with income exceeding this limit but are really finding ends meet and have to resort to loan sharks, the consequences of which we are all familiar.

 

The implementation of the free textbook scheme needs to be reviewed. By strictly relying solely on documents to prove one’s salary, a large number of genuine applicants are rejected whereas many with more than the stipulated income but “tahu jalan” are granted the free textbooks. It is indeed sad that a “I win all” culture is gaining roots in our country.

 

A more comprehensive mechanism should be implemented in selecting those who require assistance with the textbooks. Families with a total income of less than RM2,000 should automatically qualify for the free textbook scheme.  Those with more than RM2,000 but less than RM5,000 should be scrutinized by a case by case basis. All essential financial commitments of the parents should be examined, such as number of dependents (children and aged parents), medical expenditure, house loans, motor vehicle loans and so on.

 

We are aware many teachers and headmasters are aware of the plight of these poor parents but are unable or refuse to help because of strict enforcement of the stipulated salary limit.This is a pitiful state of affairs of our administration.We have very good and fantastic plans but they fail because of poor implementation due to lack of the human touch of those entrusted with the powers to do so.

 

Dr.Chris Anthony

Make financial aid available easily

 

 

I refer to your report “Cops want to prosecute Ah Long’s victims” (Star Jan 30).I agree that acting against the borrowers may deter some of them, especially the less desperate, from resorting to Ah Longs. I am afraid it may not be stop those who are in dire need on monetary help. In fact punishing them with fine and imprisonment will only make things worse for them and their families.  It would unfair to say that borrowers are also culpable for the violence wreaked by loan sharks. It would also be unfair to ask those in need to go to licensed moneylenders when the latter themselves are contravening the law by resorting to unscrupulous tactics.We must remember that it is not the rich and powerful who resort to Ah Longs but the poor and helpless in society. The former have the big financial institutions to depend on but these co operations are in most cases non-friendly to the latter. The unreasonable requirements imposed and non-helpful counter officers often make their applications for the meager loans almost an impossible feat.Yes, if there is no demand there will no supply. The financial demands on the poor borrower may be at times self-inflicted but very often he is the victim of an unfair social system, which is beyond his control as an ordinary citizen.    Like all problems, we should get to the root cause of them if we really want to overcome it. Poverty is the root cause of this evil of loan sharking that has become a national menace. It has wrecked many individuals and their families at the prime of life. It must be stopped at all costs.Loans and other forms of financial grants must be made available easily to those who really deserve. The government has drawn up many fine policies to eradicate poverty.   More genuine efforts, by all responsible, must be put into their implementation fairly for the benefit of all.

Dr.Chris Anthony                                                                                                        

 

     

English is a necessity not an option

 

 

 

It is really distressing to read the report “Varsity students do badly in MUET”(Star, Jan 24).

 It is disturbing to know that almost one-third of our public university students scored Bands One and Two in the Malaysian University English Test (MUET) which indicates their low proficiency in English.The recommendation by the vice-chancellors’ committee to  make it compulsory for students to score at least a Band Three before they graduate from university is move in the right direction and should be adopted. In fact it should be made a criterion for admission to the university in the first place especially for science-based courses.  

Turning down the recommendations of the vice-chancellors’ committee recommendation would be really doing the students a disfavor particularly those from rural areas. Instead the higher qualifying standard should be maintained and the students guided and encouraged to work harder to achieve that.

Lowering the standard and shunning them from the higher requirements would only instill a defeatist attitude in our younger generation, which would be detrimental to the nation in a global world.While our universities should be commended for ornanising intensive English courses, it is regrettable that they are not taken seriously by the students themselves. This is due to misconceptions, especially in those from rural areas that are ingrained in them earlier from school days.

The positive attitude towards mastering English, or for that matter any language, should be inculcated from young. It should be stressed again and again that fears and prejudice against learning English are unfounded as it will in no way undermine our own national language.

Dr.Chris                                                                                               

 

 

 

Marginalsation in Malaysia

10 October 2006

Are we marginalised?

The Minister Mentor of
Singapore accused the Malaysian government has systematically marginalized her citizens of Chinese origin. This was vehemently denied by the Malaysian government including its own Chinese Ministers in the cabinet. Since then there has been considerable debate on this issue of marginalization. What is marginalization? Is it true that certain communities in the country are being marginalized? The Oxford Dictionary defines marginalization as 1.relating to or a situation at or in a margin. 2. of minor importance.   

Therefore when we say a community is marginalized it means it is pushed to the periphery and given minor importance. In accordance with this definition we can safely say marginalization is a universal practice of the majority against the minority.  In a truly democratic state the minorities are protected by law against blatant abuses and discrimination against them. The ruling majority is entrusted to ensure that the minorities are really protected. The political system, the judiciary, police and armed forces are in place to ensure that the rights of the minorities are protected in accordance with the laws of the country. This is practiced more satisfactorily in most developed democratic nations of the West as compared to developing and under-developed nations. 

Let’s analyze what is taking place in our own multiracial and multi-religious country which our leaders acclaim to be a model for other multi-ethnic nations to emulate. 

At birth The first act after a child is born is the registration of its birth which requires one to state the ethnicity and religion of the child. So even at birth Malaysians are categorized as Malays, Chinese, Indians or others. Why can’t we do away with just stating we are Malaysian instead of mentioning our ethnic origin? 

In school When the child goes to school, again he is repeatedly asked to state his race and religion in all registration forms. Even streamlining of classes is based on race. It is not uncommon to group all Malays into one class and non-Malays into others. The reason given for this is to facilitate religious instruction for Muslims and moral for non-Muslims. Religious instruction for children should be encouraged but it should be for all, regardless of religion. Moral classes, emphasizing universal values, should also be common for all, Muslims and non-Muslims, alike. Why are Malaysians at such a tender and innocent age exposed to separate moral and value systems?  

Prayer sessions in schools, before important functions and examinations are held only for Muslims. The non-Muslims are left to idle away during these sessions. Isn’t this segregation of our children in schools for religious purposes amounts to discrimination?  Selection of students for posts as prefects, heads of clubs and sports are again based on race.Non-Malay students unless possess extra-ordinary skills,are not selected to represent the school or state.   

Teachers, who are predominantly Malays, these days don’t even know much about the background of their pupils of other races.  Then there is different dress code for Muslims and non-Muslims which further segregate the kids even at primary level. 

At university level Entry into public universities which is based on two totally different examinations, Sijil  Tinggi Persekolahan  Malaysia(STPM) and Matriculation, is profoundly unfair. There is widespread perception that the selection process for university entrance favors the matriculation over the STPM students. Less than 10% of the matriculation seats are offered to non-Malays. As STPM carries less weight for entry into public universities, many of the non-Malay students, even those from poor background, are forced to shun away from this once popular local examination in favor of A-levels, which is apart from being a foreign examination is also very costly. By this unfair practice, slowly but surely the non-Malays are systematically eliminated from being considered for courses in public universities. Why can’t all races sit for the same common exam?  

Every year we see numerous non-Malay students with maximum results in STPM exam being blatantly denied places in public universities for critical courses like Medicine, Pharmacy, Dentistry, Law and Engineering. Many of these students are from extremely poor financial background. Scholarships are not awarded to them based on merit as claimed. What do we expect them to do? Can we blame them if they resort to criminal activities to earn a living? The vast majority on non-Malay students, including the brilliant ones from poor families, are forced to further their education in private institutions at exorbitant costs. Many poor parents have to mortgage their houses and properties to finance them. Highly precious EPF savings are utilized leaving the parents at the mercy of their children at the twilight of their lives. 

Job opportunities After completion of their studies job opportunities are also hardly available to non-Malay Malaysians. The posts in civil service, police, armed forces and even government linked companies(GLC) are “reserved” for bumiputras leaving the private sector highly competitive for the non-bumiputras.Forty percent of the population are given less the 10% of jobs in the government sector. If this isn’t discrimination what is it? 

For those few, who are lucky to be employed in these services, promotions by truly merit are difficult to come by. Heads of departments, state directors of the various departments, director generals, state secretaries and chief secretaries of ministries are all for bumiputras. Religious segregation 

During the sixties and seventies, school and office canteens sell food for all races. Today these canteens cater for Muslims only. Chinese and Indians are not allowed to sell their food even if halal. In the years following independence Malaysians of all races mix freely, playing, eating and even praying together. They celebrate all the festivals together true spirit of muhibbah.Today each community celebrates its own festival among the members of its own community. In fact these days our Muslim friends are reluctant to dine in the homes of non Muslim friends. 

Although
Malaysia is a secular country where the federal constitution guarantees freedom to practice ones own religion, this freedom of religious worship, in actual fact, is greatly impeded. Local authorities are reluctant to approve the building of churches and temples let alone providing funds for such projects. There is blatant disrespect for non-Muslim faiths. Civil laws are being replaced by Syariah laws that are slowly becoming the supreme law of the land. There seems to be 2 sets of laws in the country, Syariah for Muslims and civil for non-Muslims. Inter-faith problems are sensationalized and dialogues to solve them are denied. The non-Muslims are denied recourse to their problems that involve Muslims. 

Conclusion 

Don’t all these considerations amount to marginalization of the non-bumiputra minorities? If not then what are they? Lee Kuan Yew said the Chinese are marginalized in
Malaysia and in return the Malaysian government claims that the Malays in
Singapore are marginalized. Both these may be true but what is also true is that the Indians in both countries have been pushed out of the margins, a situation we call elimination, which is more extreme than marginalization.We claim that
Malaysia is a multi-racial and multi-religious country, and truly it is. Our leaders claim we are a model nation for the world to emulate as far as ethnic relations are concerned, sure enough it should be. We have all the great religions in our country, Islam, Christianity, Hinduisms and Buddhism. All of them are unanimous in their teachings – to share what you have, however scanty it may be, with those who are less fortunate regardless of race or creed.
Malaysia is blessed with abundant natural resources and there is plenty of wealth for all its citizens. All we need is to be true followers of our respective religions and share what we have with fellow countrymen, regardless of color or creed. Until and unless we get rid of our selfishness in accordance of our religious teachings, we will never be a model nation for the world.Dr.Chris Anthony